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If I Ever Get Stuck in the Vampire Chronicles...

This is a list inspired by If I Ever Become an Anime Character. See the bottom of the page to suggest your own rules/tips for this page. More would be greatly appreciated!

I will not, for any reason, learn a musical instrument other than piano, and even that's iffy, because it could lead to my insanity and/or death.

If I do learn the piano or harpsicord, I will never once play the Appassionata, no matter who requests it, because that could lead the reader's insanity and/or death.

I will not chop up my victims and place their bodies in seperate dumpsters all over town. That kind of violent murder is sure to bring about a visit of said victim's ghost and we all know why that's a bad idea.

I will not start a rock band with lyrics bad enough to wake the almost-dead.

I will never trust anyone with an awkward name like "Ralgan" or "Memnoch." This person is sure to be the villian.

I will wear cool medieval or 18th Century clothing, despite the fact that I was born in the 1980s. Admit it, it looks better than jeans. ^_^

If I start out as a vampire, I will not tell a long-winded story of how it happened, especially if it closely resembles the stories of others. (How many different ways can you really get a vampire to give you his/her blood?)

If I become a vampire during the series, I will not feel guilty about killing my victims. Humans are evil too. They deserve it and they're going to die sometime anyway.

I will not go into the theatre business. No acting for me, thanks. I'll stick to webpages and writing.

I will not refuse gifts or other things from beautiful men (or women), especially the vampires.

I will not work for the Talamasca. I don't trust them, especially that David chap.

I won't bother to try and collect the life stories of the vampires. Everyone all ready knows enough about the main characters, and I don't really want to interview Eric.

If I am human, I will learn how to use a sword and carry it with me at all times. Humans always seem to get caught up in something and I refuse to be helpless, damnit.

Just because I'm a girl does not mean that I will be a nun or other religious fanatic. Unless, of course, I get to be Lestat no Miko (Priestess of Lestat). Then I will comply.

I won't become an alcoholic to gain sympathy.

If I am a vampire, I will not fall in love with mortals for no apparent reason.

I will not make anyone under the age of 19 a vampire. This does not work, ever.

I will not be a bar fly. I will have an active life and make myself a main character. I will not be forgotten after one book.

If I am made into a vampire, I will not try to trick my mortal family into thinking nothing has changed.

I will not get a dog or a bird. I will get a cat. Cats are nice and can take care of themselves.

I will not hang out in churches at night and light candles. I will have better, more plot-moving things to be doing all night long.

If I am a vampire, I will sleep in a coffin. I don't care if thick window blinds are enough, coffins are more fun and more appropriate.

If I am a villian, I will not try to beat Lestat. It's obvious that nothing is going to kill him. I'll go after the ones I don't like, such as David.

I will never be a vampire hunter. This is not Buffy the Vampire Slayer or the crappy movie that shares its name with the 3rd Vampire Chronicle.

I won't go searching around Europe to find more vampires. I will go to Japan or China, since the plot twists in England, Italy, and France are getting old.

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