If I Ever Get Stuck in the Vampire Chronicles...
This is a list inspired by If I Ever Become an Anime Character. See the bottom of the page to suggest your own rules/tips for this page. More would be greatly appreciated!
I will not, for any reason, learn a musical instrument other than piano, and even that's iffy, because it could lead to my insanity and/or death.
If I do learn the piano or harpsicord, I will never once play the Appassionata, no matter who requests it, because that could lead the reader's insanity and/or death.
I will not chop up my victims and place their bodies in seperate dumpsters all over town. That kind of violent murder is sure to bring about a visit of said victim's ghost and we all know why that's a bad idea.
I will not start a rock band with lyrics bad enough to wake the almost-dead.
I will never trust anyone with an awkward name like "Ralgan" or "Memnoch." This person is sure to be the villian.
I will wear cool medieval or 18th Century clothing, despite the fact that I was born in the 1980s. Admit it, it looks better than jeans. ^_^
If I start out as a vampire, I will not tell a long-winded story of how it happened, especially if it closely resembles the stories of others. (How many different ways can you really get a vampire to give you his/her blood?)
If I become a vampire during the series, I will not feel guilty about killing my victims. Humans are evil too. They deserve it and they're going to die sometime anyway.
I will not go into the theatre business. No acting for me, thanks. I'll stick to webpages and writing.
I will not refuse gifts or other things from beautiful men (or women), especially the vampires.
I will not work for the Talamasca. I don't trust them, especially that David chap.
I won't bother to try and collect the life stories of the vampires. Everyone all ready knows enough about the main characters, and I don't really want to interview Eric.
If I am human, I will learn how to use a sword and carry it with me at all times. Humans always seem to get caught up in something and I refuse to be helpless, damnit.
Just because I'm a girl does not mean that I will be a nun or other religious fanatic. Unless, of course, I get to be Lestat no Miko (Priestess of Lestat). Then I will comply.
I won't become an alcoholic to gain sympathy.
If I am a vampire, I will not fall in love with mortals for no apparent reason.
I will not make anyone under the age of 19 a vampire. This does not work, ever.
I will not be a bar fly. I will have an active life and make myself a main character. I will not be forgotten after one book.
If I am made into a vampire, I will not try to trick my mortal family into thinking nothing has changed.
I will not get a dog or a bird. I will get a cat. Cats are nice and can take care of themselves.
I will not hang out in churches at night and light candles. I will have better, more plot-moving things to be doing all night long.
If I am a vampire, I will sleep in a coffin. I don't care if thick window blinds are enough, coffins are more fun and more appropriate.
If I am a villian, I will not try to beat Lestat. It's obvious that nothing is going to kill him. I'll go after the ones I don't like, such as David.
I will never be a vampire hunter. This is not Buffy the Vampire Slayer or the crappy movie that shares its name with the 3rd Vampire Chronicle.
I won't go searching around Europe to find more vampires. I will go to Japan or China, since the plot twists in England, Italy, and France are getting old.