Today's Victim: MissHollywood17@hotmail.com
Mystery Science Theater Des Vampyres
3000
this issue by Vic Centanni
This flame is in reference to Page 22 of the Lestatheist pages, about a personal experience I had and am through with.
6....5....4...3...2...1....
LESTAT: *I* don't know this girl. *I* have nothing to do with this, and I would much prefer to keep it that way.
LOUIS: Look, Lestat, we all have better things to do, but I did promise to take care of this one flamer....
ARMAND: I told you, I'm *NOT* a flamer... err... oh. You meant the girl... um.. nevermind.
DANIEL: And they call me an alcoholic.
LOUIS: Let's just do our civic duty and--
DANIEL: VOTE! It's March 7th in California, where the primaries are taking place....
LESTAT: So what is the material for tonight's torture?
ARMAND: Looks like a flame from some self-righteous know-it-all. You know, the usual.
LOUIS: I can't help it. I promised Vic we'd take care of flames from now on, or she threatened to shut down the church. And God knows Monsieur Le Brat would have a fit if people stopped officially worshipping him.
LESTAT: Oh, for heaven's sake! If Louis insists we go through this, then let's get it over with! Wait... she threatened to take down the church?! How dare--
ARMAND: Let the good times roll.
DANIEL: Armand, uh.. nevermind.
>Your
LOUIS: Intelligence clearly surpasses my own.
>story about your friend
DANIEL: Makes me jealous cause I don't even have that much.
>and the problems with A
DANIEL: are brought to you by the letters "P" and "U".
ARMAND: S
>&M
ARMAND: is a great way to spice up your relationship.
>are totally unfathomable.
LESTAT: So she either doubts the entire thing even happened or she can't concentrate hard enough to understand it.
LOUIS: Or Vic was just very incoherent.
DANIEL: Maybe Miss Hollywood is a little tipsy.
>I believe that you are only jealous
ARMAND: I suppose that's fair. We believe that you are only ignorant.
LOUIS: Also, I believe that some people should not have access to the internet under any circumstances.
LESTAT: I believe I have better things to do that flame some girl with too much time on her hands.
DANIEL: I believe that the best Stan Rice poem is "Tragic Rabbit."
ARMAND: Don't start, Daniel.
>and you yourself had a crush on this guy.
DANIEL: And the fact that she could tell that much from a webpage is amazing! She must be psychic.
LOUIS: Or wrong.
>By writing
LESTAT: I hope to prove I mean something in this lousy internet world by making sure you realize I'm better than you. Thanks for your time.
>what you wrote and how you would like to have his friendship back just isn't going to work by dissing on his friends
ARMAND: Who said that it would? But insulting obviously ignorant people whom one does not like seems quite appropriate.
LOUIS: Read that sentence carefully five times. Tell me if it makes sense, because to me, it appears to be babble.
DANIEL: Flamers who made sense would take the fun out of our ridicule.
>...sorry
DANIEL: that I was born. Sorry that my parents smoked during my childhood. Sorry my uncle used to beat me over the head with a blunt object every now and then....
LESTAT: Trust me, that's not enough!
>. I think
ALL: <Burst out laughing>
ARMAND: Honestly, she can't expect us to believe *that*? After she said...<starts laughing so hard his words are undecipherable>.
>that if you would make yourself so miserable, then you wouldn't be miserable.
LOUIS: It's my understanding that miserable people are not always so by their own hand.
LESTAT: I'm surprised you could use the word "understanding" in a sentence relating to this girl.
DANIEL: Wait... if I would make myself so miserable, then I wouldn't be miserable. Huh? I'm confused!
>If you'd talk to people
ARMAND: rather than to those damn fish who never respond!
>and not be such a psycho
LESTAT: *ahem* I don't think she should be calling anyone a psycho.
>then maybe people would respect and like you more
DANIEL: Conform now and get popular! With our home programs, it's easy to become a cheerleader, a skater, or a member of a number of fun stereotyped groups so that you can fit in!
ARMAND: I always thought the more you spoke, the more likely you were to get into trouble. MissHollywood is a prime example of why opening one's mouth (or typing, in this case) may not always be the best option.
>and you'd actually get to know people.
LESTAT: And she would want to do this for what reason?
ARMAND: You're judged by your friends, of course. I wonder what that says about me?
LOUIS: In order for friendships to develop, there have to be people who aren't superficial involved. And this a high school, correct? I believe I've made my point.
>I think
ARMAND: Our faith in that statement is slowly dwindeling.
>that your just afraid
LOUIS: Of apostrophes.
>, and if this whole time you disliked these people
DANIEL: as much as you must dislike me and my two cents,
>that your guy friend
LESTAT: She insists on mention that this friend was a guy. She's obsessed with that detail, isn't she?
ARMAND: She's convinced that makes a difference. *sigh*
>was hanging around, why didnt
LOUIS: I am just going to assume she's purposely leaving out punctuation to annoy me.
DANIEL: You know what they say. Assuming makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me".
>you just say something
LESTAT: Why don't you do the opposite and save us all the tedium of reading it?
>rather than keeping it all locked up,
DANIEL: Quick, call Stephen King! "It" escaped again!
ARMAND: <smack>
DANIEL: Ouch! What--?
>do you like that depressing feeling!
LOUIS: Do you know what a question mark is and why it's different than an exclaimation point?
>Your
LESTAT: Not capable of using basic English. Go back to Junior High and write back when you learn how to use common sense.
>not much of a friend
ARMAND: I believe she's beginning to understand that they're not friends anymore.
DANIEL: Took her long enough.
>if you talk about his freinds that way.
DANIEL: I wonder what "freinds" are.
ARMAND: You don't think she's refering to his--
LOUIS: Armand! Not everything is relating to sex, you know.
>Your just a self centered,
LESTAT: Amazing. She was able to use a past-tense adjective as a noun.
LOUIS: And she still forgot the apostrophe.
>please pitty you,
ALL: No, really, that's quite all right!
>depressed, gothic bitch.
LESTAT: On that note...
LOUIS: Not so fast, Lestat.
ARMAND: She's never read the Lestatheist pages if she's calling Vic gothic.
DANIEL: Oh, not bitch! Don't say that. I feel so threatened now!
LESTAT: Please, Louis....
LOUIS: Okay, we're officially finished.
ARMAND: Good night!